Another Day, Another Reason to Panic (37 weeks, 4 days)

It seems like every day some one new is asking me how I'm feeling or commenting that I look like I'm about to pop or that it looks like the baby has dropped. I honestly appreciate the concern and interest, especially from friends, but after today I just feel kind of...done. I don't know how else to describe the way I'm feeling. I went into this birth knowing (I thought) exactly what I wanted. I just assumed Connor would come early, like Zooey. Last time at 37 weeks, 4 days I'd had a newborn for two full weeks. Now? I have two swollen feet, a belly that knocks everything over, stretch marks, pains when I walk or try to roll over, and fears about my choices that just won't quit. I made the mistake of watching The Business of Giving Birth when I ran across the documentary on Netflix.  I made a decision long ago that, yes, I did want to induce labor at 39 weeks, thank you very much.  Granted, I didn't think this was really something I'd have to think about.  One early baby means two early babies, right?

Turns out that isn't entirely true.  Now I'm faced with a big decision, one I didn't think I would have any trouble with.  To induce or not to induce?  I understand that little man needs all the time he can get to cook completely but I'm ready now.  How much should that factor into my decision?  (According to the article I just read, it shouldn't at all.  Being "over it" is not a good reason for induction.)  My dad is flying into town at the end of the week and I would love for him to be able to spend a few days with Connor.  I don't want to have to wait another year (or however long, I don't know) for him to be able to visit again.  I was literally in tears over this, watching the documentary and feeling like I was being slapped in the face for wanting these things.  I don't want the "joy" of natural birth like a lot of women do; I don't feel that I'm being cheated out of a life altering experience.  I just want my healthy baby, and no Ricki Lake, I don't care exactly how he makes it into my arms.  I don't feel that I need the experience of reaching down and pulling the baby out myself.  (That's not what this is about at all, I just wanted to punch Ricki in the face for daring to assume that all women are being cheated out of a "real birth".)

Okay, let's go on to the weekly update before I start the waterworks again.  Zooey looks at me funny when I cry, anyway.  :)

Waiting & Waiting (36 weeks, 5 days)

I got a little lax with my posting there for a bit, but that just gives me more to talk about!  Daniel has been gone for the past week (coming home tomorrow!) so its been a bit of a whirlwind.  Proud of myself for only having one emotional breakdown in his absence.

At my appointment last week,  they decided to go ahead and starting checking my cervix.  I was dilated to 3 centimeters!  Hooray!  I had high hopes for this being the start of some serious progress!  Went to my appointment today, hoping to be a few more centimeters dilated though I've been hearing from lots of people that I could be stuck at 3 for a good, long while.  Sure enough...  Doctor said it feels about the same and his head is pointing down.  Made a joke about how most of the women I know who had boys went way past their due dates (like, 42 weeks).  Warren said we definitely wouldn't wait that long and could start talking about induction at 39 weeks if little man is still hanging in there.  Apparently my cervix is "favorable".  I tried reading up on this and the whole business with finding my Bishop's Score was a little confusing.  I trust my doctors and if they think its a good idea to talk about induction, then that's the direction we'll go.  Of course I'll be asking a billion questions!

All righty!  Time for the weekly nonsense!  

The Week My Ankles Disappeared (35 weeks, 4 days)

How far along?
35 weeks and 4 days!  At this point he's been in my belly just as long Zooey was.  Today has been weirdly emotional for me and I'm not sure why.  Been secretly wishing I would go into labor today so I would have a funny "yes I went into labor ON Labor Day" story.  Ah, well.
Maternity clothes?
Mostly rocking the undies and old tees around the house.  I'm lazy.
Stretch marks?
None yet, but my skin didn't have to stretch for any longer than this last time...  Back into the unknown!
Sleep?
Still loving waking up in a pool of sweat.  Moving in the middle of the night is really painful.
Food cravings:
FOREVER PIZZA AND ROOT BEER!  And sweets.
Belly button in or out?
No change from last week.
Movement?
Lots of hiccups or spasms or something. 
What I miss?
My feet not feeling sloshy and swollen.  Being able to sit in a slightly reclined position and still being able to breathe.
What I’m looking forward to: 
HAVING THIS BABY!
Milestones:
Nails growing, packing on fat; about 5 1/2 pounds and over 18 inches long.
What baby looks like this week:

35 Weeks Pregnant

The Week I Lost My Mind (34 weeks, 4 days)

Being pregnant makes me insane.  I'm not just talking "oh, I cried at that cute baby commercial " or "that sweet song about kids gave me the weepies".  I'm talking full on panic attacks over next to nothing.  My first was over not being able to pick a name.  I literally sat down in the kitchen floor, in front of the refrigerator, and absolutely flipped my lid over not being able to decide on a name.  I was sure I would never find a name I love enough.  (I did, obviously, but at the time it wasn't something I thought could ever happen.)  After that episode I was okay for the most part- weepy but fine.  Then I woke up this Saturday and I guess I decided it would be a good day to just freak out a little.  I got up to use the restroom which apparently woke Zooey up.  I went back to bed and hoped she would do the same.  NOPE.  She started screaming and crying because no one was coming to let her out of baby jail.  At this point it's probably 7:30; I am so not ready to be up and about.  I had gone to sleep with a headache and was still feeling pretty sick.  So I did the only thing that made sense at the time...I started to cry.  Not just some tears and sniffles. serious choking sobs.  I just wasn't ready to get up.  I felt awful and was just so, so tired.  I eventually woke Daniel up then got myself up to start the day.  That was when I got a nosebleed.  My day really just didn't start well.

Good news!  I was able to make it to my second baby shower without having given birth a few days before!  The decorations were adorable and the food was delicious!  The best part?  I didn't have to do anything but show up!  It felt so nice to know I wasn't responsible for balloons or cupcakes or invitations.  So thankful for my totally awesome aunt who put it all together!

Connor is giving me some pretty intense kicks.  I think that means he's ready for me to talk about him for a bit.